I dreaded the double break because it was too lonely.
There is no purpose, no direction, and no sense of knowing. Sometimes it even feels as if I no longer exist. It rarely rains on a double break, and there is sunshine, but it does not shine in my heart. In fact, I can’t even see through my own heart, and how can I see through a person my heart? There are moths writhing in my heart, and I feel a kind of horror. I do not need help, and no one can help me, sometimes I can only bear everything. I will fight poison with poison!
I forget what day of the week it is, only that it is a double day off. There is still sunshine outside, but I can’t feel its warmth. The blue sky does not make me feel a trace of relief, but I feel a melancholy blue, blue hurt.
I am used to passing this kind of weekend in the Internet cafe which is pleasant in the eyes of others but sad in my eyes. I love to listen to the sound of my slender fingers (although I am not a girl, but I am willing to say so) tapping the keyboard, da-da-da, that rhythm and my heartbeat, is simply a wonderful music, my blood can also boil at this point, and then evaporate. I also like to sit in the Internet cafe that soft seat, not cold, not hard, and a kind of ambiguous feeling, hiding like in bed. Watching the movie hissing and shouting, excited as if in a dream. But I am not afraid. Because I am a lonely boy. Fear does not allow me to perceive the existence of reality.
I remembered a poem by Gu Cheng, “The night gave me black eyes, but I used it to find light”, and I suddenly remembered that there is a program called “Night Terrors” on Yichang Radio every night, which also says this line, only when it says “I used it But it was a creepy, scary female scream, and then all kinds of weird, deliberate horror. I wanted to laugh, but when I did it was a ghostly scream.
I stalked in the darkness, I couldn’t see my black eyes. I still pretended to be strong and did not cry.
Because I don’t have tears, I don’t cry! But not cold-blooded.
I slept, right there on the chair in the Internet cafe. The saliva from the corners of my mouth flowed far and wide, like the ice prisms on the eaves of a winter house. I’m never afraid of losing my face, even if it’s the current one. The computer screen is still changing, and the avatar on QQ is jumping, but there is no one to knock on the keyboard. In the dream I imagined another world. No one knew what I was thinking, and I didn’t know when I woke up. The only thing I know is that the dream was beautiful. Because after waking up I was giggling.
I don’t believe in other people’s words. Outside, the sky buzzed with the sound of people flocking to look out, and I still couldn’t leave my keyboard in my hands, in the words of the song “Mice love rice”. They say the sky is a helicopter, I do not want to move, although so far I have not seen the so-called helicopters with my own eyes I am afraid that the silvery white metal color of the aircraft to reflect the sun’s rays on me, melting me into a pile of liquid-like garbage. Bin Laden had told me that airplanes were sometimes incredibly aggressive and powerful weapons. I began to think I was smart not to look, or I might have become a charred corpse.
In the world of QQ, I consider myself to be a master. But I’m only invisible on line, I just want to let myself see them, and not let them see me. This has nothing to do with ability. The actual fact is that you’ll be able to get a lot more than just a few of the most popular and popular items. The actual fact is that you will be able to get a lot more than just a few of the most popular and popular items. The actual fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not able to get a good deal on a lot of things. A perfect excuse. The actual fact is that no one knows where I am in the network, except myself. The actual fact is that you can find a lot of people who are not able to get a good deal on a lot of things.
Some people say that people like me are degenerate people. In fact, there is nothing noble in me, only that some people think highly of me. I’ve been thinking about the question, what will it be like when nobility degenerates into depravity? I laugh at myself, am I thinking too much? I’ve been laughing, laughing myself into a fool in the network, I looked all over the BBS, there is no BBS on the topic I want to know, so stupid! I cursed in my heart. I still roam in the network, did not stop because of this.
The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you’re doing. The first thing people say when they find me online is always, “Who are you?” I was tired of it, so I stopped taking care of it and quietly withdrew from my world. I’m not the kind of person who is too flamboyant, I want a calm in the solitude, not the comfort of the city. Go ahead and scold, I don’t care!
Those in the dark will enjoy solitude.
I live in the sunlight like everyone else. I know how to laugh and smile, but it is at night, because there is darkness at this time. I even wail wildly: I am a descendant of the god of darkness!” The night gave me black eyes, but I use it to embrace the darkness”, I changed the words to say me. A person who is not good at showing his face in the sun can only be like this, just like me. The fires of hell are burning, nirvana, in essence, is already a glory in the fall. Where is the phoenix? It will not be in heaven, it is in hell for eternity! With solitude in the darkness for company!
I was on one side of the world looking at the other side of the world, black eyes stretching my gaze in the depths. It was not a window to the heart, but an unparalleled lookout that only I could discover. See, I don’t feel sad when I feel that the pen is already an ornament. At least there is a place that can hold me for me to scribble. No one is beside me, and the only thing nestled in my arms is a computer that I use to heat up, and it too is crowding me out, dying, restarting, dying again …… Even if this is embarrassing with me, I won’t be able to bear to KILL it, knowing that it is the only thing I use to relieve my loneliness, while it burns an alter ego in its CPU. I gradually feel as if it is my lover, I do not feel ridiculous, really.
I think of someone, someone on the other side of a distant world. Not in the internet, not in my mind, a spirit that has been transformed into nothingness, pulsating my heartbeat.
Maybe one day I will stand on the top of a building in the city, look at the sea in the distance, and say to someone beside me, “Look, that’s the sea!” And I will feel happy, even though I can’t hold hands with my son.
Black night black eyes, let me have the black loneliness. Slumber, I will sleep it into an eternity ……